Perfectionism is sneaky. It disguises itself as high standards, motivation, and discipline. For many runners, perfectionism becomes a mental trap that leads to self-judgment, avoidance, and burnout instead of progress.

There was a torrent of rushing water pouring through maybe a fifteen-foot channel that I had to swim across to a slick boulder that I would then have to climb on top of and swim back. My mind swirling with ‘what-ifs.’ What if I get pulled under at the strong eddy line. What if I get swept down-stream to the bigger rapids? What if I get hypothermic?

I was frozen

My chest was aching. My breath labored. My heart racing. I struggled to gather myself as I made way up the steep staircase of a trail that is Mt. Sanitas in Boulder, Colorado. The trail gains about twelve-hundred feet in one and a quarter miles for a 17% percent grade, it’s very steep and really hard. And honestly I feel this way most of the time I get to climb this. I’m a little over two weeks out from contracting COVID for the second time so I wasn’t surprised by the discomfort I was experiencing. The last time I had COVID in fall of 2022 it came and went but I had chest pain for almost three months forcing me to DNF after 80 Miles at the Javelina Jundred. I have no noticeable symptoms right now other than the a little fatigue, a high heart rate on exertion, and a little cough every so often. The high heart rate honestly may even be from a bit of detraining and not COVID.