The Voice in Your Head at Mile 40

You've trained for months. You've run thousands of vertical feet. You've been out in the dark, in the cold, eating gels you've stopped tasting. And yet — somewhere between the trailhead and the finish line — a voice creeps in:

"Who do you think you are? A real ultrarunner wouldn't be struggling this much."

Sound familiar? If you just nodded your head — you're not alone, and you're definitely not a fraud. What you're experiencing has a name: imposter phenomena. And in mountain sports culture, it is absolutely everywhere.

I hate when it shows up…

That miserable feeling standing at a starting line feeling like you don’t belong. That for some reason your mind tells you that you’re not worthy of being here…

I remember one of my first marathons picking up my race packet and looking around intimidated. My mind was racing: “These people look athletic! - I don’t look like that - What are you doing here!?”

I’d have a sinking feeling – the self-critic came out whips and all.

I was laughing and giggling at the ridiculousness of my situation. I’ve come eight-one miles. and for the most part I felt fine, I was hydrated, fueled well, I felt comfortable in the heat and sun, I felt comfortable in the cold and dark…but my calves were tight, painful knots of searing hate. Straightening my legs required maximum effort and four-letter words.