Tough Decisions
On the Continental Divide on High Lonesome. Photo curtsey of Kevin D.
Like many runners this year I’ve experienced multiple cancellations of big races - the Boston Marathon, the Bolder Boulder, the Dirty Thirty. I had plans to run the mile on the track at a local track series and those were cancelled. Now, a week away from the Never Summer 100K one of the only ultramarathons to be held in the country…I am faced with a tough decision.
COVID cases are slowly going up Colorado, and many runners appear to be coming from highly affected areas. While the race directors are doing what seems like a fabulous job at creating a ‘safe as could be’ environment, I have to ask myself - is this a risk I want to take? There’s staying in the hotel, potential interactions with other runners from all over the country, crew as well as spectators. The risk manager in me believes that the actual chance of catching COVID during the race or travel may be exceedingly low…but if I do, I don’t know what it can do to me or loved ones, or anyone else I could potentially pass it along too.
Here’s the deal. I love to run. I love to race. I want to run and I want to race…but that’s just one part of who I am. I have not foreclosed on the identity that I am a runner. I don’t let that define me. I am also a father, husband, brother, son, therapist, supervisor, friend and a whole host of other things.
Identify foreclosure has a tricky way of luring us into the belief that ‘this is all I am.’ It lures us into the idea as runners that we have to run tremendous amounts of volume, that I have to qualify for Boston, that as ultrarunners that I ‘have to do Western States, UTMB or Hard Rock (don’t get me wrong - I’d love to do those, but because I want to, not because I feel I have to). Or as a professional runner - I have to qualify for the Olympic Trials. That if I don’t race, my peers will see me as less than and my ultrasignup shows a DNS….and, well that’s all furthest from the truth.
The other part of decision making lies in a values conflicts. I value adventure, competition, and the comradery. And I also value health, and family. For me the answer hasn’t been simple - I can add up the pro’s and con’s of each decision and see that it leans towards not running but the desire for adventure is powerful….but again, its one race. out of maybe hundreds in my lifetime. The mountains - they’re not going anywhere. The chance will come again, I might be out a little money but there is a peace of mind that I am not putting myself in any additional risk. This is my choice and mine alone to make, I am not encouraging anyone that one way is right or wrong. It’s just simply my choice.
The point of this - the decisions we are making in this time of COVID aren’t easy. Have compassion for yourself, have compassion for the decision you make. Have compassion for those around you making the decisions too. Remember that your identity is more than one thing and your values are many.