Willingness

“I suck at this”

“I am no good”

“I don’t fit in with this group”

”I’m an imposter”

These words (and sometimes images and feelings that go along with them) can hook us and distract us. We become pre-occupied by the thought in a viscous cycle of rumination… and they can trigger a natural reaction of avoidance.

This is normal. We are wired to do this. (believe it or not their actually may be an instinctual ‘cave person’ root to this thinking - if you didn’t fit in with the group you could be left to die outside of the cave, that’s a dangerous sabertooth tiger I need to stay away from it). Yet, the words, feelings, thoughts and images can trigger behavior that leads us AWAY from doing the things we love and enjoy. Regardless if we believe the thoughts are true or not. (note - I say ‘can’ this doesn’t mean they always do - and sometimes the behavior we do is very helpful - wow That is a sabertooth lion I need to get out of here!).

Here’s an example: you’re at the start of a race, you look around and think “I don’t fit in here, I am an imposter.”

The thought can do one of several things - it can drag you into the rumination cycle, spending precious mental energy hooked on the thought (and we tend to follow our thoughts and self-talk, if I tell myself I suck, I certainly am not going to perform well), or you avoid the thought by avoiding the experience, dropping from the race, or letting the ‘better runners’ go ahead. Fighting the thought is like trying to hold down a beach ball in the water - it’s going to pop back up again!

OR

You get uncomfortable. Willingly name the thought, experience it, recognize for what it is - a word, unhook from it, reducing its power and move towards your goal and continue focusing forward with your race plan.

Are you willing to be uncomfortable when negative, self-defeating thoughts come up?

You might not ‘want’ or like the feelings - but are you willing to experience them in the service of your values and goals?

But wait! - what about positive self-talk, imagery, focusing etc? These are mental skills - important to learn and use to MOVE TOWARDS, but the first step is the willingness to recognize, acknowledge, and name those thoughts! If you avoid them, push the down, fight them, spending energy struggling with them, then you’re not moving towards your values and goals!

Of course if they’re not a problem and you still move towards your values and goals in spite of the unhelpful thought then you’re already there! It’s when they become a problem that the willingness has to occur.

Here are several steps to unhook from those thoughts -

Awareness - you need to become aware of when this happens. Keep a journal, write down what thoughts come up and how they hooked you, what your behavior was afterwards What emotions you experienced as a result. The more you are aware the easier it is to move to the next steps.

Name - Name the thought - “I am having the thought that I am an imposter” “I am having the thought that I am no good at this.”

Anchor - I describe some anchoring tools in a previous blog (here), but one good quick one is taking a slow deep breath in and long exhale. Be right here. Right now. Y

Move Towards - anchoring gave you the space now take action. Move towards. What’s your race plan? Mental skills plan? ou have control over your arms, legs and mouth. Go to work.

Willingness is crucial - getting uncomfortable does not mean necessarily physically uncomfortable - although that may be part of it, but emotionally uncomfortable. Dive in then move forward!

Contact me if you’re interested in developing other tools, working with a therapist and mental skills consultant can help in reaching your goals!