Playing Not to Lose

*This blog is a follow up to one I did a few weeks ago on the Freedom to Fail and a podcast I was on recently with Jason Koop.

How often do you start an event or even a workout and you tell yourself:

Just don’t lose.

Don’t come in last.

Don’t hurt yourself.

Don’t fall.

Don’t fail...

The fear of failure can make us risk adverse

We start to play not to lose. We don’t push ourselves as hard as we could because there is a risk of not being successful in the task.

Taking it easy going down a technical section at Hope Pass

You have seen it happen plenty of times. Think of the team that’s up twenty points in the third quarter and the coach plays a lot more conservatively than they had been or have the ability of doing, only for the other team to take advantage and play more aggressively, ultimately winning the game.

I’ve gone into races over the past couple of years with that conservative mindset.  Only to be moving so slow that it would cost me later when I did make mistakes. This can happen in training too. A great example is taking it extra slow going down a hill so as not to hurt yourself on the trail, or sticking to grades on rock-climbs you know you could do. I do this on the mountain bike all the time… avoiding stuff that is a bit harder because if I fall it’s all over.

Distortions

The avoidance of risk can often come from a magnification of the event. When we are too attached to the outcome our minds distort the importance of it.

Do or die.

This is my last chance; I’ll never get another opportunity. So, we play more conservatively than we would. Avoiding the risk of potential failure. We see it as chance of a lifetime even though it may be far from the truth.

Another distortion that happens is worry of what others think if I don’t succeed, so we become risk adverse to save face…

When I look at this through the lens of psychological flexibility, I’m not going to argue whether there is truth to these distortions or not…It may in fact be a chance of a lifetime, it may the Superbowl or the Olympics. Maybe it’s the only time that you’ve been able to get a permit for a climb in a foreign country. Or maybe it’s a race like the Hardrock 100 which typically takes years to get into.  However, when we get pushed around by the ‘fear of failure’ and start moving towards ‘playing not to lose’ and being more risk adverse we can potentially miss out in playing as well as we could. This is not to suggest that we should run willy-nilly down a trail or climb grades way above our abililies - that’s just foolish, but there is a way to do this by doing a little mental preperation in advance.

Here are some ways to move beyond playing not to lose

First, recognize that you mind is pushing you around. Notice, that you are hooked on the fear of failure and getting pushed to avoid failure by playing not to lose.

Self-awareness is your superpower.

Second, name it, what’s the story that’s showing up? Is it the ‘take it easy you don’t want to blow it again story.’ The ‘don’t be a screw up story.’

What’s coming up for you?

Third, normalize it. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s normal to have that fear and want to avoid failure, it’s a protective system we evolved with. Bring self-kindness into the picture. (I talked a lot about that in my previous blog on failure).

Fourth, know where you are headed. Use your values and goals to prepare how to respond.

Starting with values, how do you want to hold yourself during the event or training, what will your standards be? How do you want to show up?

When thinking about goals be very clear not just on the outcome you are shooting for but those process goals that will help you move along, actionable steps that you will take to make things happen.

High up on Mt Rainer making a decision to go for it or head back down was pre-planned by the team.

Have a plan and stick to it

Finally, be clear before going into that event or training what is the risk you are willing to take? Where and when do you make the decision to back off? As an example, I do this when I mountain bike or ski. I know that fatigue could potentially lead to an injury. I plan to manage that fatigue by taking care of some things like nutrition or hydration so I can hold it off longer, and know that when it’s too much I end the day.  Another great example is when mountaineering I routinely would make the call to turn around at a specific time so as not to risk bad weather or darkness.

Know when you’re going to back off.

The final step is acting on those values and goals no matter what your mind is doing to push you around. Like little gremlins it will from time to time. Even in the situation where you have to adapt to changes, the shit is hitting the fan so to speak - knowing what your goals and values are and adapt based on those can help you safely navigate that situation.

Whether you’re running a hundred miles, climbing Mt. Everest, a hard route at your local crag or starting your own business, be cognizant of that risk avoidance and playing not to lose mentality. Lean into the discomfort that there is a possibility it may not workout and go for it.

As Winston Churchill said: “Play for more than you can afford to lose, and you will learn the game.”

Feel free to comment below, share this with others and reach out to me if you have questions or would like some assistance with this.