Building Self-Efficacy After a DNF
How to Rebuild Confidence When Things Don’t Go as Planned
You trained for months. You imagined crossing the finish line. You pushed through every cold, early morning, spent time away from family, friends, work, ran your heart out…and then…You didn’t finish.
A DNF can cut deep. It can shake your confidence, your identity as an athlete, and your trust in your own body. I am no stranger to DNF’s – just check out this post a few years back and this podcast. But I’m going to tell you, DNF’s are not the opposite of success. They’re opportunities to rebuild self-belief from the inside out.
In route to a DNF at the Leadville 100 MTB Race..
To build self-efficacy and confidence, that belief that we can do “the thing” we need to develop a mindset of flexibility. We need to ‘flex.’ No, I don’t mean that in a pretentious sense, what I mean is that we need to have self-compassion and psychological flexibility so that we can lean into the discomfort of the moment (all those nasty things we may be saying to ourselves about the DNF) and rebound, allowing ourselves to focus on what matters.
Self-Efficacy
Self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the course of action required to produce a given result. (Feltz, Short, & Sullivan, 2008).
Self-efficacy isn’t about being sure you’ll succeed. It’s about trusting that you can take effective action, even after a setback. Self-efficacy comes from how we talk to and imagine ourselves and it is built on the actions we take that are aligned with our goals and values. Developing a compassionate and flexible mindset allows you to build that efficacy.
When you DNF, your mind might fire off thoughts like:
“I’m not cut out for this.”
“I let people down.”
“Maybe I don’t have what it takes.”
These thoughts are your brain’s way of trying to protect you from future pain. Our brains are always leading us to safety and unintentionally move us away from the things we value the most It wants us to ‘fit in with the group’ it wants us to move away from pain. That makes it normal and human…but sometimes it’s just creating more problems moving us away from where we want to go…
When we flex, we’re able to see that thoughts are not facts…you don’t have to take the bait when your mind starts to push you around. You can hold those thoughts gently and still choose to move in a valued direction.
So, how do we flex?
Step 1: Make Space for What Hurts
A tree that bends does not break.
Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the pain, it means being willing to feel what’s real without fighting it. DNFs bring emotion: grief, frustration, embarrassment, disappointment. Instead of forcing those feelings away, notice them.
Try saying:
“This hurts, and that’s okay.”
“I’m feeling discouraged, but I can hold this feeling.”
You’re building the muscle of psychological flexibility, staying open and centered, even when your inner world is uncomfortable.
Step 2: Practice Self-Compassion
It’s tempting to believe toughness means being hard on yourself. But research shows athletes who practice self-compassion regulate emotions better, recover faster, and re-engage more effectively after setbacks.
Try this reframe:
“Every athlete fails sometimes; this is part of the process.”
“I’m not broken; I’m human.”
“What would I say to a teammate in my shoes?”
Self-compassion is not weakness it’s the foundation for resilience.
Step 3: Reconnect to Your Values
The clients and the athletes I work with will tell you that I’m like a broken record on ‘reconnecting with your values.’ And I have good reason. When a DNF happens, it’s easy to lose sight of why you do this in the first place. Our ego is taking a hit. That’s where flexing shines: values are the compass that helps you reorient after failure.
Ask yourself:
Why do I race or climb or train?
What kind of person do I want to be when things get hard?
How do I want to show up for myself, others and the world around me?
Maybe your values are courage, curiosity, connection, or perseverance. Those don’t disappear just because the race didn’t go your way. You can still live them in how you recover, how you reflect, and how you show up next time. And… you may see that you were leaning into them all along…
Step 4: Small Actions Rebuild Confidence
Self-efficacy doesn’t come from big wins; it comes from small, value and goal driven actions.
Start small:
Go for a short run just to move again.
Write down what you learned without judging it.
Reach out to a friend or coach to talk it through.
Set one small goal that aligns with your values this week.
Each step is proof: I can take action towards what matters, even after a setback.
Step 5: Redefine What It Means to “Finish”
Sometimes “finishing” doesn’t mean crossing a line, it means staying kind to yourself when you want to spiral. It means trusting that one race, one climb, one moment doesn’t define your story.
You’re not starting over you’re continuing. You’re still building the traits that make you a durable, grounded, self-aware athlete. Because the truth is: The race ended, but your story didn’t.
Self-efficacy is built in how you respond, not just how you perform.
From My Own DNFs
High on Mount Rainer making a decision to turn back..
I’ve had more DNFs than I’d care to count from ultras to marathons. I’ve turned back from summits; I’ve stopped early on big treks. Some were strategic decisions, some forced by injury, and some were just showing up not prepared as I’d like. Each one stung. But looking back, every DNF and every missed summit attempt has shaped how I show up not just as an athlete, but as a therapist and coach. They taught me that self-efficacy isn’t about certainty, it’s about action.
That self-compassion doesn’t make you soft, it makes you sustainable. And that willingness to keep playing the long game, even when the outcome hurts is where real strength lives.
Takeaway
A DNF isn’t a verdict on your potential, it’s a doorway back into what matters most.
Having a flexible mindset allows us to open up to what’s hard, connect to our values, and take committed action, even when it’s uncomfortable.
You can be disappointed and determined. Compassionate and gritty. You can DNF and still be growing stronger. That’s real self-efficacy. That’s the long game.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Professor Ross White, a clinical psychologist who specializes in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy “Sometimes, breaking down leads to breaking through.” (White, 2024).
Neal Palles, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and mental performance coach helping endurance and mountain athletes manage anxiety, overthinking, and performance pressure so they can stay grounded and focused on what matters most in sport and in life.
Feltz, D., Short, S., Sullivan, P., (2008). Self-Efficacy in Sport: Research and Strategies for working with athletes, teams and coaches. Human Kinetics: Champaign, IL
White, R. (2024). The tree that bends: how a flexible mind can help you thrive. Quercus Editions Ltd; London, England