My chest was aching. My breath labored. My heart racing. I struggled to gather myself as I made way up the steep staircase of a trail that is Mt. Sanitas in Boulder, Colorado. The trail gains about twelve-hundred feet in one and a quarter miles for a 17% percent grade, it’s very steep and really hard. And honestly I feel this way most of the time I get to climb this. I’m a little over two weeks out from contracting COVID for the second time so I wasn’t surprised by the discomfort I was experiencing. The last time I had COVID in fall of 2022 it came and went but I had chest pain for almost three months forcing me to DNF after 80 Miles at the Javelina Jundred. I have no noticeable symptoms right now other than the a little fatigue, a high heart rate on exertion, and a little cough every so often. The high heart rate honestly may even be from a bit of detraining and not COVID.

As I slogged my way up the trail I found my mind getting hooked on all sorts of banter:

‘I’ve lost fitness’

‘I’m so, slow, I wonder if I’ll ever get it back!’

My mind naturally trying to predict the future of races this summer:

‘It’s going to be rough getting up Mosquito Pass and even tougher up Hope pass! Ugh!!!’

I bet you’ve had similar thoughts if you’ve been injured or have had COVID or other illness.

These thoughts are normal. Sometimes they’re quiet, sometimes when you’re tired and fatigued they’re a lot louder. Sometimes they’re not even there. It’s not that we have thoughts that’s the challenge. Try and stop them and you’re in for a big surprise.

They tend to pop up anyways.

It’s how we RESPOND to the thoughts, feelings and sensations.

We can respond by opening up with acceptance, self-compassion and engaging in action.

Focus on the moment, in the present on Mount Sanitas

Acceptance

Acceptance means opening up to the feelings and thoughts that are coming up as they are from a perspective of the self. They are just thoughts, feelings and sensations that are normal, they are not you, the self. We can open up by experiencing them, noticing them, naming them just as they are, as if we are watching clouds go by in the sky, or train cars passing by.

For me that was noticing the discomfort I was in:

‘I’m experiencing my heart racing’

‘I’m experiencing that burning sensation in my legs’

There is no meaning to it other than it just is.

‘I’m having the thought that I’m slow.’

‘I’m having the thought that I’ll have a bad race.’

I don’t have to argue whether the statements are true or not, they’re thoughts.

This is acceptance in its raw form. It doesn’t mean lying down or giving up. It just means allowing yourself to open up to real thoughts, real emotions and real sensations and now you have the option on how to respond with self-compassion and action.

Self-Compassion

Compassion, the capacity to feel empathy for others and a genuine desire to alleviate their suffering.

Can you bring that to yourself?

Self-compassion according to Kristen Neff a leading researcher on the subject has three components: mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness.

Breaking it down on Mt. Sanitas

I can become mindful of the thoughts, feelings and sensations, but I also can become mindful of the place I’m in. Where my feet are right now on this trail, going to a beautiful spot, smelling the pine trees. Right here. Right now.

There is a commonality on Mt. Sanitas most everyone is experiencing discomfort going up this in one way or another. It’s steep. It’s technical. If you’ve been injured or sick that’s going to add a layer of toughness.

Kindness to self is a bit harder, Let’s reframe the Sanitas talk for a bit:

‘I may have lost fitness during COVID does not mean I can’t gain it back and come back stronger.’

‘Look what I’m doing two weeks post-COVID! Solid effort. Yea, it’s hard, it’s supposed to be!’

Or we can throw in motivational self-talk that’s a bit more helpful:

‘That’s it, one step at a time.’

‘You’re doing this with COVID lungs, you’re strong!’

‘You have the experience.’

‘Let’s go!’

Summit of Mt. Sanitas on a different day.

Action

What are your goals?

What’s the process look like and what are your standards of the day?

How do I want to look doing this?

For Mt. Sanitas it was to get an hour and half run and some good climbing in at an aerobic effort. That is all.

It doesn’t mean: ‘Get and FKT on Mt. Sanitas’ or anything else. It just means the goals for the day are the goals for day. Check.

Focus on the here and now goals. The process. If I’m focused on the end result I’m not right here and right now. The space you’re in is where you have control. You can’t predict the future.

I can also focus on how I want to hold myself.

Do I want to be present, enjoying myself in this beautiful space? Heck yea! Do I want to be compassionate with myself. Check.

Do I want to be experiencing joy? YES.

Can I experience it even in suffering? You bet.

Now take action. Move forward up the hill.

The reality

I’ll be honest. This ain’t easy. Changing or reframing a mind you’ve grown up with so you can respond without reacting with isn’t an afternoon project.

It takes practice.

Lots of practice. I’m working at it. If you find a therapist or mental performance coach that says they got it all figured out you should probably run the other way. I’ll keep climbing Mount Sanitas just as I’ll keep climbing this hill that’s right in front of me every day.

Get after it. Feel free to comment and share with others! If you’re curious about mental performance coaching please contact me I’m happy to discuss options.

Self-Compassion on Mt. Sanitas