Minding the Gap: Confidence in the Face of the Abyss

Staring into the abyss.

Staring across the bergschrund, a lump forms in my throat and my stomach churns. Before me lies a deep, dark blue void—a seemingly bottomless icy crevasse at the top of the glacier. The sight is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. Cold air surrounds me, and the sound of water dripping somewhere in the blackness below adds to the tension. When I peer into the darkness, a sense of dread overtakes me. The summit isn’t far from this point. We’re so close, but somehow, it doesn’t feel certain that I’ll ever reach it.

Yet, I remind myself that the same skills, strength, and stamina that brought me here will be what carry me across. A little problem solving, a bit of rigging, and ultimately—a leap of faith.

It’s easy to forget, when standing at the edge of what seems like an abyss—the daunting distance between where we are and our goal—that we possess the experience and expertise to go the distance. These are the skills we have honed over years, the very same ones that propelled us ninety percent of the way up the mountain. Now, we just have a little bit further to go.

Sometimes, the path ahead is unclear, and as we gaze into the abyss, frustration and overwhelm can set in. Our minds fixate on the final outcome: the summit.

I have faced this feeling at other points in my life—applying to work for Outward Bound and facing initial rejection, pursuing first one master’s degree, then a second, and earning certification as a mental performance consultant (CMPC)—a process that took nearly a decade. There was the relentless training to qualify for the Boston Marathon, enduring injuries and setbacks, finally achieving the qualifying time and running the race in Boston. And then, there were my numerous attempts at the Leadman/LeadChallenge.

Ice fall with numerous crevasses on Mount Hood (Circa 1993).

How Do You Mind the Gap Without Getting Overwhelmed? a Game of Confidence

Confidence is action. It’s doing—regardless of whether the feeling is there. It’s taking that leap of faith, uncertain of the results, and allowing oneself to sit in discomfort.

Confidence is also reflection. It’s looking back and recognizing how far you’ve come.

I practiced this recently when I wasn’t ‘feeling it’ and was frustrated by the gap between where I am in my career and where I want to be. I realized I’d even forgotten to share my highlights with others—leading people through mountains and rivers, teaching them the skills to stay safe in the wilderness, to climb and descend, and to navigate Class III whitewater. I taught teamwork and safety, guiding others to work together to protect one another.

High up on Mount Rainer with views of crevasses to the right and far below Circa 1995

I have also helped countless people stabilize after some of the most traumatic events of this century: talking with survivors of 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, the Las Vegas shooting, school shootings, as well as fires, tornadoes, and both manmade and natural disasters. I have helped individuals manage threats of violence and mental health emergencies in the workplace. How did I forget these things? How does anyone lose sight of what they’ve done and where they’ve come from?

Getting Present

Looking back and reflecting can be empowering. Becoming present with where you are—right here, right now—enables you to focus on taking action. Dig in and begin. Staring into the abyss won’t move you forward. Find the route around, set the anchor, fix the line—take the leap and move ahead.