Competere

What’s competition to you?

When you think of competition what does it bring up? Is it about winning at all costs? Is it striving to be first? To be best? Top of the pyramid?

When you think about it, do you feel anxious or excited?

Maybe you feel threatened by competition? Does competition make you nervous of the consequences of potential failure? Of loss or rejection?

Competition can stir up all sorts of unhelpful thoughts

“What if I lose?”

“What if I don’t perform well?”

“What will my parents/friends/competitors think of me if I lose?!”

and…

“What will this say about me as a person!!!”

Competition can be a mixed bag. In our society ‘winning’ and being first, is chock full of outrageous expectations and drama. The idea of besting our competition is instilled in us early on, whether that be in sport, work or play.

The idea that we have we have to prove ourselves or prove our ‘worth’ creates a situation where the pain of ‘losing’ to an opponent, and perceived failure takes away from the value of what is to be gained from not winning and the experience of the event itself.

There is only one winner.

The loss, instead of becoming a learning experience, hits at our identity. Our self-worth.

This idea of competition comes from a model of war, where we are fighting against adversaries for limited resources. It’s Darwinistic in concept, winner take all, out live, out last…out play. While it can help fuel motivation to an extent, it tends to erode the underlying core.

What if we saw our competitors not as adversaries of war, but colleagues and allies that push us to be great

The Latin word competere, the root of competition, breaks it down for us:

Competere: Com - ‘with. ’ Petro - ‘I strive with, I strive for'.

To compete is to strive with.

When faced with competition if we changed the paradigm from the outcome: “I want to beat this person” to “this person (or team) is going to push me to my best” we’re moving away from the competitor being a threat, to the competition being a challenge. This allows us to grow and be our best selves. The competitor is no longer an adversary that must be treated as a threat but as a colleague that pushes us.

Here we learn to explore our limits together. We move towards mastery the continual striving to enhance and develop our skills.

A Reframing of Mindset

When I first learned of this concept during graduate school in sport psychology it was eye opening. It reframed everyone I saw as a ‘threat’ in competition, to an ally that with whom I can grow with. This is simple in concept but not necessarily easy to change in our mind. It takes a lot of reworking to change that mindset. But, when we’re able to, the runner passing me on the hill isn’t a threat… they’re there to push me. I’m digging deeper than ever to get up the hill because of them, and they are too.

That guy I sparred against in karate years ago, we were both growing together by the challenge we posed to one another. Sure, there were some that were just way more powerful and faster, but all that meant was to rise to the challenge.

This is mastery. This is growth. We’re not getting lost in this battle to be number one, we’re simply pushing each other, we’re striving with.

Challenge and Threat

Think about it in terms of challenge and threat. If I see something as a threat, my body naturally puts me into a flight, flight or freeze mode. My heart races, my breathing gets faster and shallower. Blood is shunted from my stomach to get to my muscles. We can easily lose focus on the process in these states. On the other hand, if I see something as a challenge, I am better able to focus on what I can control, my physiology isn’t pushing me around.

Certainly, there are situations for some people, seeing a competitor as a threat will impel them to work harder, but how does it taste? Was it short lived? Does it take up space in your mind?

This may be OK to get over the edge - for a quick burst of motivation…but it’s not lasting.

Here’s the Challenge

The next time you line up at an event look at the people around you. These are your colleagues. These are your mentors and friends. They’re here to push you to be your best. If you’d like help changing this mind-set feel free to reach out to me here.