The Imposter
Opening Up to the Discomfort of Feeling Like You Don’t Belong.
I hate when it shows up…
That miserable feeling standing at a starting line feeling like you don’t belong. That for some reason your mind tells you that you’re not worthy of being here…
I remember one of my first marathons picking up my race packet and looking around intimidated. My mind was racing: “These people look athletic! - I don’t look like that - What are you doing here!?”
I’d have a sinking feeling – the self-critic came out whips and all.
“You’ve got to get faster.”
“You should put in more mileage.”
I remember it fully when I started my career as an Outward Bound instructor in the Sierra’s. Somewhere along the way I was told you had to be a Yosemite big wall climber.
I was not a Yosemite climber. I mean I climbed in Yosemite. But not a BIG WALL climber. For years I felt like I didn’t belong, I felt like an imposter. Yet…I did a bang-up job. I had amazing students and worked in one of the most amazing places in the country. When I was focused on what mattered – doing the good work, I shined.
Years later it was clear to me - by far, being a big wall climber in Yosemite did NOT make you a good Outward Bound instructor. In fact, that was far from what you needed to be a good Outward Bound instructor.
The imposter exists to motivate.
Somewhere in Yosemite.
The imposter is an evolutionary phenomenon. We need to be motivated to fit into the group for survival. If we didn’t fit in, we’d be ostracized and likely not survive… But the reaction to those thoughts and feelings in current times are mostly unhelpful – nor are they aligned with how we want to show up in the world.
I feel it here too.
Getting out in front of people. Talking shop in the mental health or mental performance space.
With the imposter we can go to comparison.
“He’s way more experienced than me.”
“She’s got the DI – pro-athlete credentials.”
“They’ve got their doctorate…”
“They went to XYZ school of sport psychology…”
On and on.
You see the inner critic coming out? The whip beating down. Like the young runner trying to do ‘more’ I react to the discomfort by signing up for another training – another certificate. As if completing another training would fuel my self-worth.
It won’t.
When it was about running it was doing more – harder workouts – more volume. Pushing myself to the limit and risking injury and burnout.
Don’t get me wrong. Continuing education is important for therapists and mental performance consultants, it’s something you should be doing – continuously learning, continuously improving is critical. Seeking out your own therapy and supervision as well.
But feeling like an imposter shouldn’t be the why. It should be motivated by your personal values of improvement, and your mission – not to avoid the discomfort. Not to fulfill an empty void created by the imposter.
What can you do when the imposter shows up?
Normalize it. You’re experiencing it because you care about this.
“I’m not alone here.”
Everyone feels it from time to time…
Recognize it’s a thought and feeling - Not necessarily a fact.
Even if it were a fact - you don’t have to let it push you around.
Anchor.
Notice when you’re getting hooked on those thoughts, then get into your body. Roll your shoulders. Rub your hands together. Push your feet into the floor. Take a deep breath. Feel the wind on your face.
Willingness.
Name it (to tame it). “There’s the imposter.” Name the story. “Here’s the I’m not good enough story.”
Open up to it.
It’s okay to sit with the discomfort. It’s okay to feel the feels. Notice where it is in your body. Hold it kindly.
Empower with pragmatic action.
Who are you?
How do you want to show up?
What are your process goals?
What should you be doing right now?
Act in a valued direction.
“Do it anyways.”
You can still show up to the race feeling like an imposter. You can still do your work – whatever that is – and do it well. Take action. Move forward.
Importantly, look and reflect on the times that prove otherwise. That prove you belong…can’t find them? Keep looking, they’re there.
Hold yourself kindly.
Self-compassion neutralizes shame. It neutralizes the imposter and the awful feeling of that you’re not worthy. Think about what would you say to a friend right experiencing something similar? What kind thing could you say?
You owe it to yourself to say the same thing.
Finally.
Keep in mind, while it’s a really good idea to step away from social media, I mean like a REALLY good idea. It’s also not a great idea to avoid things to avoid discomfort. Know why you’re doing it and be intentional. Shutting down Instagram, Strava, Substack, LinkedIn or whatever is a temporary fix. Create space from it but know it might show up again somewhere else like an old friend.